Extraneous

	hobbie via s. ward	ALTERNATE POD
My brother Tom reaching the summit of Ogre Stump in Pakistan. He was the first to climb it.	3/29/09 Send me stuff you Maggoats! Email stuff to extraneous@cramikskim.com	Today we have an awesomely how to survive the current hamdemic, sick barrel pics from 57, a hot young tennis phenom, McCartney divorce math, and hot stuff from various sources and a new mysto skimmer. Kicked to the curb:
	Mystery Skimmer. Last time it was Peluso, 5'er nailed it. Who is this mystery skimmer?
	After flipping his speedboat, Jesus quickly leaves the scene before his Dad finds out.

























































	Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo
	I'm all for upskirts but do you really need to crawl on the ground and shove a camera up Jessica's skirt? I guess that's a yes.
	The swine flu is here people, this is not a time to stay calm, this is a time for f*&king panic. I don’t know shit about how viruses spread, nor have I read any in depth articles about the swine flu, but I have watched the movie outbreak twice, and Morgan Freeman is in that movie and he has a voice that sounds super smart. There are three things we need to do, to avoid the END OF THE F-ING WORLD.
	1. Buy These Suits That’s right, those surgical masks won’t do shit. You know how I know those masks don’t work? Because I wore one when I was 9 and painted the house with my brother, and he grabbed my head and farted on my mouth and it smelled like I lived inside his asshole. If that can penetrate the mask, so can swine flu.
	2. Don't Trust Anyone In The Government When the shit hits the fan, there’s going to be a ton of government dudes running around with tanks and guns, yelling at us to move into quarantined areas. Quarantined areas where they can blow you the f*&k up. When shit is crazy, look around and see if you can find any kindly doctors who are screaming crazy sounding conspiracy theories. Those are the ones you should trust.
	3. Quarantine and Blow Up Phoenix, Arizona I know I just advocated against blowing up large areas, but phoenix is just a really shitty city, so I think if we have the chance to sort of just wipe it off the map, we should. Nobody would care, I swear to you. You know how when you go away for vacation and then come back and they delivered a bunch of newspapers to your house and they’re all yellow and faded from the sun, and smell like dog piss? That’s pretty much phoenix. We can move people out of it if you want, whatever, we just need to start over from the ground up there.
	Hello!
	HELLO!
	Some ridiculously beautiful barrels thanks the legend 57. Enjoy.









	17 year old French Open Junior Champion Simona Halep. Jeebus.



	Some lols via CTS




	Grandpa's GPS
	Cool
	WTF?
	WEL HNG**
	That's gonna leave a mark!
	Nice.
	Funny Sports headlines



	Via Beers The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time. This is Heather.
	On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything. This is Kristen.
	Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for an hour of sex everynight for 5 years he would have paid $7.3 million, a savings of $41.7 million.
	Value-added benefits are: - a 22 year old red-hot babe -no begging or coaxing -never a headache -plays all requests - no bitching or complaining - no 'honey-do' list
	Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when asked. All at 1/7th the cost - and no legal fees. Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.
	Do you think sites like Adult Friend Finder really work?
	Not sure but we're gonna find out. Check out the next update to find out how the dates went.
	I love pictures like this.
	PedoBarneyBear

	If you could name your chat partners..
	Levi is the kid who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter if any of you remember who Sarah Palin is.

	Craig's List is the place to meet girls!
	This is kinda cool.
	I always wondered how astronauts spent their down time.
	LOL
	Kyle, maybe don't post on your facebook that you're playing hooky!
	Yum
	More CL hilarity
	And more...from SC



	Worlds largest woodpecker!
	If If you're putting on a charity event for autism, you may not want to not have a band called "Slightly Stoopid" as your headliner. And you definitely don't want to put that band's name at the top of your flier. So, apparently, The Belly Up Tavern who is hosting this event didn't realize that maybe not everyone on their mailing list knows that Slightly Stoopid is a band and thus 95% of the people who received this thought they were throwing an event for Autistic people, and calling the event "Slightly Stoopid: A benefit for autistic children."
	But then they realized, and sent the obligatory awesome apology e-mail.
	Killer glacier pics from 57











	And we go from very cold to very hot!











	And some lulz
	WTF




	When I was in Eighth grade, I came into class one day wearing a pair of Transformers sweat pants, and a kid named Armando, who had a mustache, came up to me and punched me in the face. Then he said “Hey, you f&kin bitch. Every day you come to school, and dress in those pants and talk like a f&kin’ bitch, I’m gonna punch you in the face.”
	At the time I hated Armando. I used to draw pictures of me kicking the shit out of him, which he found once, and then punched me in the face and said “You got a problem with me, don’t be a f*&kin bitch, say that shit to my face.” In his own way, Armando taught me two valuable lessons: 1)Make sure you dress appropriately for your surroundings, and 2)If you have an issue with another person, it’s best to deal with them directly.
	You'll also learn the difference between being passionate about something, and just liking something a lot.. Which is a lesson that can keep you out of working in a shitty job, or waking up at 50 to find that you haven’t fucked your wife in four years and don’t give a shit.
	When I got punched in the face, I immediately thought “I like these Transformers sweat pants, but do I like them enough to withstand a beating? The answer was no. Transformers sweatpants weren’t my passion.
	Now, I know every two months (apparently due to the fact that either Chris Hansen goes on vacation or because there’s only so many pedophiles to catch) there’s a Dateline NBC Special about a kid who goes nuts and kills someone because he was bullied. That’s where the parents come in. Parents, use your f’in good judgement, god dammit. When I came home with a black eye from Armando, my dad didn’t go “We need to call the police!” nor did he ignore it. He asked what happened, then when I explained, he said “He has a mustache huh? I’d probably just wear different pants.”
	Hello!
	Doh!
	I knew it, Rush was right all along.
	Winner,
	Winner,
	Chicken Dinner!
	lol cats
	When message board participants get jobs in journalism.



	Hmmm, who's the center?
	WTF?
	Talk about mixed messages!
	I'm guessing having a leech in your vagina feels well below average.
	Hmm, I didn't see 'the Pope's cock' on that list.
	What the Pope's cock smells like after hitting that skank.
	Good for Lisa!
	Bolt ons?
	Always tell your s/o you think about her when you flog the dolphin.
	Don't tell her the truth that you're jackin' it to Chicken Dinner about 15 posts up.
	New meaning for 'put a zipper on it'.
	gooooooaaaallllll
	So much for doggy style.
	Finally, an intelligent tagger.
	Sign of the times.
	LOL

	You kids today have it way too easy! When I was twelve, one day at little league practice I was warming up and I overthrew Randy, the kid I was playing catch with, and the ball went into this forest that was behind right field. Randy wandered in after the ball, except after a couple minutes, he still hadn't come out. Then all of a sudden I see Randy sprinting out of the forest, clutching a bunch of magazines to his chest like a mother carrying her child away from an explosion. He looked at me and the other guys on ou team and he was like "I GOT PORNO! RUUUUUUNNNNN!!!"
	So, we started running, and about two seconds after Randy emerged from the forest, two homeless dudes came tearing ass out of the forest after us, screaming "Gimmie back my titties!" Meanwhile, Randy's dad, who was one of the coaches, turns around to see Randy sprinting past him carrying about twenty porno magazines, followed by the rest of the team, closely trailed by two homeless dudes, one of which was wearing a shirt commemorating a 10k walk/run for Breast Cancer, which may have explained his stamina, as he wasn't tiring out.
	I caught up to Randy, and he, out of breath, he goes "Take some of this porno, and then you go left and I'll go right, he can't chase both of us." I was like "Dude, Randy, GOOD ASS IDEA." So we split, and I went left. Unfortunately right, was not only the homeless dude, but Randy's dad. Randy got tackled, and his dad took the porno mags and gave them back to the homeless dude. But I kept running. And I made it all the way to my house, where I dug a hole in the backyard, like I was trying to hide a body, put a newspaper in the hole, and then put the porno on top of it.
	And this ladies and gentleman, was how hard it was to get your hands on porno in 1993 if you didn't have an older brother who wasn't an asshole. (Mine were). Kids today, they can literally type in "party" into google search and on the front page get five pictures just like this one:
	Not only that, but it's just as easy, if not easier, to find porn videos. When I was little, a Porno movie was like a Lamborgini: you knew they existed but you'd never seen one in person. Mostly you just talked about how you were definitely going to have one when you were older.
	Why do I bring all this up? Am I just bitter? Probably a little. But I think in the grand scheme of history, no one will document the struggle we had. WWII veterans have countless documentaries, movies, and books. Where is our "Saving Private Ryan," our "Band Of Brothers?" We must make the kids of today aware, so that the next time they click on porntube.com and search for "tittie fucking" and even though they spell it wrong they still bring up 85 videos, they realize just how lucky they are.
	Good times!
	As a kid I actually stole the Victoria's Secret catalog out of the mailbox each month, clipped the pictures out, and sold them in the bathroom at elementary school. To increase their value, I told the other kids that they were out of Playboy. They sold for a buck a piece and I was stacking cash like Scrooge McDuck. Of course, the hardest part was cutting the pictures out so that there was no catalog text in the picture. Sometimes it left me with a very small picture of one tit, but it was still enough to sell to the retarded kids in my 5th grade class.
	lol
	What?
	Ha
	Busted!
	lol
	Hmmm
	LOL
	whoa
	Ring around the Rosy!
	I leave you with two perfect dumpers.


	Dude flew around Alaska, landing wherever, taking beautiful pics until he crashed and died.